What defines "strength" in a person? There's the physically strong, the emotionally strong, the ethically strong, etc. But how can you say a person is "strong?
I know that's a weird place to start, kinda outta left field. But not having the distraction of Facebook has certainly forced me to be a bit more "present" than I was in the past few months. Finally sent out that audition email for the 2014 NJ Ren Faire, been getting back to the gym and can consisently do at least a mile now. Might start looking into what it takes to be a Zumba instructor and saving up for that. Looked into the firearm safety classes out on Ft. Dix and came up with the hunting and fishing license class that I'll hopefully be taking in the coming weeks. Took the first step this week in cleaning out some things that I've been holding on to for various sentimental reasons. Will be starting teaching a Saturday morning drama class to the international students at the NJ United Christian Academy after I get back from Chicago. I also believe after Chicago, I'll be heading down to the Baltimore area each Sunday to have some fun with Lewis Shaw in his smallsword class.
SO, getting a lot done and started. But even more so, (and at the risk of sounding like a "LiveJournal/Myspace" entry), I've been paying more attention to myself lately. It's not been a nice thing. But when is it ever nice to look at your faults? Been feeling more disconnected than usual lately. Been really REALLY tempted to jump back on FB, but luckly I've been checking in with a friend every time it's really bad.
People who are trying to quit an addiction usually have some kind of support system, or even just someone who helps them stay on track. Someone they can call or text whenever they have a urge to cheat. Adele Rylands has been a great help in this respect. I'll be really bumming and I'll shoot her a text or email and almost immediately she'll shoot back with a bit of encouragement. So big thanks to Adele!
But even with that, Philly and NYC have never really felt farther. Starting to look around the house and in moments here or there, this place is slowly feeling less like my home and more like a place I'm visiting or sleeping over at. And this is a good thing. It's telling me I'm personally really ready to step out and find that place that will feel like MY home instead of my parent's home.
I could go on for a while with the little realizations I've had here or there, musings, epiphanies, etc, but I wanna get back on track with where I started....Strength.
This time off FB has also given me a chance to look at the people around me. We judge people so quickly on their faults, especially since they are so easily seen as compared to our own. But it's that much harder to acknowledge their strengths and give them credit where credit is due.
I look at my brother, who is 20 years old and is High Functioning Autistic. I look at how much the things he does annoy or frustrate me. But then I look at the little things he says sometimes, and how clever and smart they are. How astutely aware of things he is. I look at the little ways he helps out.
I look at a coworker of mine who is 43 and still has some trouble understanding how to use parts of her computer and acts some days like she is still in high school. Some days she asks some of the craziest questions and says some of the most out there things. But then I remind myself she is one of the most generous people I know. If there is a service member who needs help, she would do anything in the world that she can to help them.
Another coworker who is SO overly apologetic that it boarders on frustrating, but has a zeal for life that it's refreshing. Another who is so pig headed and in your face, but is a no bullshit kind of woman and will call you on yours in a second. A fight friend/sister who seems a little flitty at first glance. Talk to her for more than 5 mins and you see this highly dedicated and motivated woman who has such confidence in herself and the people she chooses to associate with even if those people don't have the confidence in themselves.
Looking at these other people have given me the chance to look at myself in the same way. I recently saw an interview with Tom Hiddleston and he mentioned a bit of advice he was given at one point: "Give yourself permission to succeed."
I know I've heard that from other people at one point or another in my life, but lately I've been internalizing advice like this a bit more readily. But it's so true. I've held myself back at times because I didn't want to step on anyone's toes or stir the pot in a bad way by stepping out. In this field though (performing arts), you have to or else you end up with the audience watching others move forward. Give yourself permission to succeed and take the jumps you need to despite what other may think. Been telling that to myself more often lately and it's gotten me to do a few things I might not have done otherwise.
So those are my "deep" and intellectual musings for the time being. For now I'm going to focus on the things I need to get done. Working on putting together my new years resolution list and making sure they are things that I will actually make happen this year.
Also, on a much less productive note, been kinda stuck on Zachary Levi a lot lately. REALLY want to see him in First Date on Broadway and have been catching up on the seasons of "Chuck" available on Netflix. I'll admit I kinda wish I was Agent Sarah Walker,...she's kinda bad ass. LOVE Adam Baldwin's character. So for now, off to watch more Chuck while I fold laundry and enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate. :-P
No comments:
Post a Comment